With the nature of my senior classes, sometimes I have very low numbers. Today, I have one student for 5th and 6th periods. It's a madhouse in here. Can't get this class under control to save my life. Classroom management is a nightmare.
Oh wait... yes, I can. He's just sitting there working on a reading
work sample as I sit here and think about how awkward I could make this
for him.
The following is a list in progress. Please feel free to use these in your workplace.
20. Deciding right this very instant is when I should clean all of the tables in here, and every time he moves to a new table, making that the next table I must wipe down.
19. Posing a question like I am asking a group of people, looking around the room, and then saying "If nobody raises his or her hand, I will call on someone randomly" before my eyes land on him.
18. Burping super loudly, acting like nothing happened, and then after a minute saying "Ew, do you smell that? Who did that??"
17. Asking him if he'd help me hand papers back.
16. Saying, randomly, "There is only one person failing this class right
now, and he has the best attendance" (even though he's not failing).
15. Going outside and standing outside my classroom window saying "Psst..psst!" and every time he looks back, ducking so he can't see me.
14. Knocking some papers off my desk, waiting for about five minutes, and then angrily saying "Who did this?!"
13. Crawling under my desk, yelling "Four!", and tossing golf balls toward him.
12. Taking the chip bag off his desk, saying "food tax," and walking away.
11. If he asks a question, hold my finger to my lips to signal for him to be quiet. Then sliding out of my chair, crawling around my desk, and pretending I am James Bond as I sneak over to his desk while army crawling and diving behind random desks.
10. Yelling "QUIET!!!" even though it is completely silent in here.
9. Giving him a page of really complicated math problems and pretending I have no idea what he's talking about when he asks why I gave him math work in an English class.
8. Speaking in gibberish.
7. Asking him really simple questions and every time he starts to answer shouting "WRONG!"
6. Asking him to bring me a book from a shelf right next to my desk... when he is sitting in the very back of the classroom.
5. Acting like I have no idea who he is and threatening to call campus security if he doesn't show me his ID immediately.
4. Asking what his favorite song is, and then after he answers, putting it on, and dancing while shouting "This is how you Dougie!" over and over (no matter what the song is).
3. Telling him I have something very serious to discuss with him that could affect his graduation this coming spring and then asking him which he likes more, SpongeBob or Patrick.
2. Going over to him and asking if my ear piercing looks infected.
1. Standing
up, turning my classroom lights off, walking out, locking the door, and
then climbing the fence right outside my classroom window...never
telling him I was leaving.
You know you want me as a teacher.
Good times.
